This is a really personal subject, but I have to have an outlet.
This past week I have found out some hard things. As stated before on a previous post I made some really bad choices a few years ago. I will not go into detail, but I know most of you know and those who don't know for sure certainly can guess.
I have worked REALLY hard on changing, repenting and moving forward. It is still a rocky road because of the reality I must face on a daily basis, as I know it is for the others involved. I have experienced the joys of the Atonement and can with absolute certainty say that I know I completed my repentance. I have enjoyed receiving Church callings again, taking the sacrament and even visiting teaching;)
So...this is what is killing me. I have made new friends since it all happened. People who did not know me or my family then. People who did not even live in San Antonio at the time. Some of these people have been told by me because I trusted them and others have been told by third-parties who had nothing to do with it. Some of these people have then taken it upon themselves to use this as a butt of a joke, a cliche, and just plain gossip. I found out that a trusted friend and her husband have been perpetuating it and joking about it behind our backs. They were not involved, did not know me, did not live here, did not know any parties involved. What gives them the right? They have taken it upon themselves to tell other friends, and so the grapevine goes.
So, am I wrong in thinking that they are 100% out of line? Am I wrong to be so hurt that I want to crawl back into my hole and not emerge until I can get out of here? I spent the past two and a half years crawling out of that hole. How do I know who I can trust? Will this follow me the rest of my life?
I honestly want to know what you all think. Even if it is brutal.
Also, what do I do about this friend? I am so hurt that I don't want to see either her or her husband right now, but is that right of me?
Lesson learned: don't get caught up in gossip. I know it is easy to pass things on, especially when they are really juicy, but what does this accomplish? You never know who you are pushing into a hole.
April Shower
2 months ago
Posts
20 comments:
Hi Nicole,
This is Julie Lindsey's Mom.
First of all I don't know what happened 2 1/2 years ago, but it sounds to me like you took care of everything that you needed to. That is what is important! Keep your head up high! We all make mistakes, and if your so called friend has nothing better to do than spread gossip about you (her Friend) then do you really need her as a friend? I know this is hard, but it is a good lesson for all of us, Don't get caught up in the gossip. I will tell you what I always tell my girls "Take the high road" you will be better for it! Thinking about you! You are a beautiful young woman and always have been. Keep smiling even though your heart is breaking! You have nothing to hide from.
P.S. I hope you don't mind that I read your blog!
HI.. FIRST THINGS FIRST I LOVE YOU!! DO YOU NEED ME TO KICK SOME ASS??? TRUE FRIENDS DO NOT DO THAT TO EACH OTHER:)I THINK YOU HAVE LEARNDED AND GROWN FROM EVERYTHING. I THINK YOU WILL ALWAYS GET PEOPLE WHO ARE NEVER HAPPY WITH THERE LIFES OR THEMSELFS AND TRY TO BRING YOU DOWN TO MAKE THEM FEEL BETTER. JUST REMEMBER WHO IT IS AND WHERE IT IS COMING FROM:( YOUR A GREAT GAL AND YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY AND THE PEOPLE YOU SARROUND YOURSELF WITH SHOULD WANT TO MAKE YOU HAPPY AND YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY TO BE AROUND THEM. WOW THAT WAS A MOUTH FULL!! BUT DO YOU GET WHAT I'M SAYING?? JUST REMEMBER EVERYONE HAS PROBLEMS AND THE ONES TALKING THE MOST SHIT USALLY HAVE THE MOST!!!I LOVE YOU!! CALL ME IF YOU NEED TO:)KEEP YOUR HEAD UP. GIRLS DROOL AND BOYS RULE!!!!
OR JUST WHAT MY MOM SAID.. MAMA KNOWS BEST!!
I can't imagine why a good friend would treat you as the butt of her jokes. I would think that she probably isn't a good friend to you now. As far as if the decision you made will follow you--it will. I know it sucks. My father made a decision before he had even met my mother that caused him to be excommunicated from the church. He was rebaptized and my parents were sealed in the temple while I was a toddler. But I found out one day that he could not be in a bishopric--this made no sense to me since he had repented and been baptized--which meant his sins were washed away, right? Dave and I talked about it and his explanation applies to you also, I think. He said that although my father had truly repented and was a member in good standing, there are ALWAYS consequences to the actions we take. The consequence that my father had to deal with was that he can't hold a position of authority in the church. I think your consequence is going to be that you will always have those people that will not let you forget what happened. The only think you can do is rise above it and not let yourself be dragged down to their level. I am so sorry. Have you confronted your friend? I can't imagine what her defense is for treating you this way!
Thanks for the comments so far...and Julie I don't mind you reading my blog...I read yours too;)
Thanks Sunny for your comment.
I absolutely agree that there are always consequences to the actions that we take. In fact there are a lot of consequences to my actions. Major, heartbreaking consequences and a huge one that unfortunately my children get to pay...not being with both of their parents. I have plenty to focus on with that and should not worry about silly people. I can't help what people will say.
Nicole,
I don't know what you did a few years ago and I don't need to know. It is not my business. Everyone makes mistakes. Some mistakes are bigger than others, but they are all mistakes. All we can do is do our best. If we were perfect we wouldn't be put on this earth to be tested. This person(I will not call them a friend. You have to earn that title and she doesn't come close to earning that title)has no right to judge you and even more she has no right to talk bad about you to others. This in not a person you need in your life. A true friend would look past the past and love you for the person you have become. To me this person doesn't deserve the right to be a part of your life. You have an awesome family and many friends who love you and you don't need to waste your time with junk. But that is just my thoughts.
Jenny
Nicole, you asked if it is wrong that you don't want to see those people again. Of course it's not wrong for you to feel that way. They broke your trust in them, and they hurt you. Heavenly Father commanded us to love everyone - and we absolutely should. You need to try to forgive these people and learn to love them again. It will only hurt YOU to hold a grudge against them. BUT, Heavenly Father did not command us to be friends/hang out with everyone. He doesn't expect us to continue to spend time with people that hurt us or take advantage of us. Unfortunately, it's probably a safe bet to assume that this will happen again in the future. It's not fair, but that's life. You will just have to continue to take the high road. Whatever you do, don't go back in that hole. I think that's one of Satan's favorite tricks - to make us continue to feel bad about something, long after we shouldn't feel bad about it anymore. If he can get us to feel bad about ourselves, to feel unworthy, then he can get us to feel hopeless, like what's the point and I might as well do more bad things. He's smart like that. On the other hand, Heavenly Father wants us to get past/learn from our mistakes. He wants us to realize or divine potential - always looking and moving forward and up, never backward and down. And THAT is the great message of the atonement.
We all make our mistakes...I really hope you aren't talking about me, because I would be the last person to judge you or talk badly about you...I've made my own mistakes. I love you and hope you are doing okay.
I don't know Abbey...am I talking about you??? Ha ha....NO! Thanks for your love;)
Y'all have been awesome. I think I will take the advice of not harboring a grudge, but also keeping my distance from this person.
Sweet Nicole!!
I don't know if there is anything left to say on the matter. It looks like you have a lot of great friends out there who are true friends. I am so sorry that you had to loose the trust and friendship of one. I am even more sorry that she would make a joke out of a very personal and painful part of your life. You do not deserve this hardship! I don't know what happend 2 1/2 years ago. But it doesn't mean that you should have to deal with the pain that a friend causes from it on top of the pain of the decision. i am so sorry!! I am with Lindsey. . .we could totally kick her ass together!! :)
Keep your chin up. . .I am here if you ever need anything!
Love you girl!
Oh Nicole, Nicole...
Ok...here goes: As someone who DOES know what happened, and still loves you and has never stopped...I am truly sorry that this person is treating you like this. I can only imagine the heartache, pain and utter misery you had to go through to get to where you are today. This is a double edge sword, right? Not so good choices brought about some pretty amazing blessings, right? You need to focus on what you have learned and what your children give you each and every day. Your Heavenly Father loves you and has never stopped. I hurt for you for a very long time and prayed for you. It touches my heart immensely to see how far you have come. I am not here to judge, it is NO ONE's place to do that...I am only here to be a friend and support (albeit not the best of friends, but a friend, nonetheless!)
I am alot like you, I think. Sometimes I put too much effort on what others think. In the long run, it really doesn't matter what they think...only it cuts you to the core when it is someone you thought you loved and trusted. This is where you have to just let go OR forgive and forget. I am not a confrontational person, so this is hard for me, too, however, you either need to talk to this person and tell her how you feel...and cut ties if necessary....OR forgive, forget and move on.
Whatever happens, please know that there are a lot of people who love you NO MATTER WHAT! You are an inspiration, actually. And you have strengthened my testimony of many things: repentance, forgiveness, the atonement, our Savior, pure love...on and on.
Keep your chin up and please don't let this injure your spirit...you are stronger than that!!!
I love you!
Ok..who is the bitch and big sister will beat her up!Joking...it is not her place to judge or say anything and believe me...the Lord knows that you have repented, you have been forgiven. This "friend" can just go screw herself. Sorry. She doesn't deserve a friend like you and if you still hang around her then she will find more stuff to make your life miserable. "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent". You need to tell this girl that you are not going to be friends with her anymore because you have been through it, have been forgiven for it and don't need to go through the whole thing all over again. I hate people like that. I am so sorry you are going through this. Seriously... I will destroy her! :)
Love you!
Wow...thanks my overly protective scary sister;) You are awesome!! Wish you lived here;)
It is hard to turn the other cheek when it is you that they are talking about. But it is true that if you hang on to it it will hurt you more than the other person. If anything this "friend" lost a great friend in you. Any friend that is willing to hurt another friend really isn't a friend. It is hard and it hurts. I have to say that is one of the reasons that I love being in YW. I don't hear all of the gossip since I am isolated with teenage girls. DOn't worry about it anyone who knows you will not give a second thought to the gossip. Thanks for going out of your way to help me feel connected to RS and to you.
Nicole, I'm one of those people who doesn't really know the details, but I will say this. Of course your consequences follow you, but it's Satan who wants us to believe that we deserve to be the butt of the joke just because we made a bad choice. Don't subject yourself to that kind of upset. Confront her if that's your thing. If not, just stay away fom her.
Nicole...Amen to that blog. Christ suffered for our sins and as long as we repent and move forward we are forgiven. People need to realize this and let the atonement work as it is supposed to. Just know that you have been forgiven and people who continue to use you and your families situation as joke will be held accountable for their sins as well. We are not perfect, nobody on this earth is. We all make mistakes and need to not point the finger at others, but look at ourselves to see how we need to improve. I love you and am so proud of how strong you are and how much you have grown since I have met you. Keep your head up, we are all behind you and support you!
Isn't it heartwarming to hear so many people stick up for you! You are an amazing person Nicole! I am so inspired by you and the ways that you come through life with such a beautiful smile on your face and deal with what ever needs to be dealt with. Consequences follow us our whole lives, both the good consequences and the bad. Unfortionatly, there is no changing that.
I agree whole-heartedly with Rocky. Really, I wish I could just copy and paste her thoughts in here. A person who would make you the butt of her/his jokes is not worth your friendship. We are supposed to love everyone, but that doesn't mean we still need to hang out with them.
Also, don't forget that the rest of us have our own problems too. Often, those who end up talking the most about others, are simply trying to take focus away from themselves. They are trying to make it so that people don't see what is going on with themselves. There is still no excuse for putting others down to try and bring out self up - it just doesn't work and hurts everyone in the process!
I think we can only make it in this world when we stick together. We need true, good, helpful, building friends, and we need to be that kind of friend for others. You are doing a fantastic job of being that kind of person.
You're great!
Nikki - I'd love to express to you how much you mean to me. You have always been an important part of our lives ever since that day that we met in Monterey - Wow almost eight years ago!! Never crawl into that hole - Satan lives there - Ditto to so much of what our friends have said. We are need the Savior. I love the line in the movie the prodigal son when the wife is talking to her husband on repentance. - " The bottom line is that we all need the Savior." You have so many people who love you. Trust what our Heavenly Father tells you, He loves you and is so happy that you want to be close to him. Keep on Serving and forget about what people say - you are so much better than that. You know the whole truth about yourself. NO ONE else does! You are a daughter of God!!
Well as someone who knows what happend and was somewhat affected, You know I still care for you and I truly believe that life has to go on no matter what. Now you know how honest I can be, to quote you, "sometimes a little too honest":) If she is someone you want to keep as a friend then in a nice way have a chat, If you don't care about her ignore her and if you wanna rumble let it all out and tell her what you REALLY think although doing the last will feel good when your doing it you might feel bad later:)Hope that helps.
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